men and such

what is a man?  no, not that.  i mean, what IS a man?  of what does he consist?  as one one author puts it, when God made a man, what did he mean?  Its not a simple question for me to answer, though it would deceptively seem so. 

i've been part of a "men's group" as part of the body in which I worship.  we have spent hours talking about that question and have at times adopted various (and sometimes conflicting) views of what the answer(s) is(are).  yet as recently as yesterday, we exchaged emails relating to this very question.

see, practically, we have answered that question in this way.  "A man is one who leads a men's group"  all the while claiming to aspire to drawing closer to God and one another in the search for a masculine experience of integrity and authenticity.  We have even titled our men's retreats "Real Men of God" and titled prayer sessions "Real Men of Prayer"  we have attended conferences with great speakers telling us to get real, be men, stand up, press on.  Yet, when we get close to that, we veer off in some tangential path that ends up being our "solution" for other men.  Oh, don't get me wrong, we love our brothers in humility and with grace, it's just that we are just as scared as they to be "real".  The standing up, pressing on, ..., seems easier to do because that is the part of this the American culture may have right. 

See, it's the "real" part that none of us have mastered.  It's the real part, however, that we must advance in before we can be released by God to Stand Up, Press On, ...

Being released by God to move on is a concept I'm afraid I don't have much experience in.  I guess my religious heritage just didn't emphasize the fact that God seeks to have a relationship with us that would dictate his caring much about what we did, as long as it wasn't immoral.  And so my experience is that I progress through life half-cocked, doing a pretty good job at what seems the logical thing to do, and am frustrated that life isn't flowing smoothly. 

This frustration then, produces anger at God or someone else, since "hey, I'm not doing immoral things and I am still not "getting anywhere!"  I may struggle with the frustration a while, but I am bound to run out of energy trying to maintain this inner battle, work hard at my mediocre life, and still retain my moral integrity.  Something always breaks. 

Maybe it breaks by my seeking newness in a new career path, or finding material possessions to occupy my troubled mind with, or taking up a new hobby, or compromising my moral integrity in some way when the above acceptable escapes don't give the peace I depend on them for.

During this whole process, I really believe my Father is calling to me quietly, "Sit Down, stop your movement, be my child in my arms where you ARE real, and I'll show you how to LIVE in that reality".  Whew!! That requires a real paradigm shift...to think God cares not only what bad things I don't do, but about what the activities and involvements are that suit me best individually...even typing about it gives me chill bumps..

Maybe later I'll type on my thoughts about simplification of life (that may be sometime in 2009, when I take time out of my hectic schedule of half-cocked busyness and type some more).